Birthday jitters.

I never celebrate birthdays as a momentous occasion like other people do. I treat it as an ordinary day with an added chip on my armor, with a faint hope of increasing wisdom.

Birthdays, after my 10^th celebration, were simply a reminder of growing old, being cynical, and finally having an excuse to be grumpy and forgetful.

Back in college, folks from the province would provide an amount half of my month’s allowance as a birthday gift. I once told them that I celebrated it with friends, and from then on, it had been my mom’s duty to provide me with some extra cash in case I celebrate it with friends in “posh” venues. In truth, I only celebrated it once, when I booked two rooms in Shangri-la Makati for friends. After that, I never used the money for celebrations. Instead I allotted it for purchase of books, comics, and at times, gadgets.

Birthday celebrations were again heightened in law school when my beau would always surprise me with trips and some other moments that made me blush in disbelief and wonder. When we parted ways, I went back to the usual ordinary birthday celebration. I don’t know if it’s just the cynical in me, or the fact that I have always been bombarded with matters of consequence during my birthday. Friends even made surprises to highlight how special the day was, but deep inside I never felt the difference.

It was only last year when I realized that no matter how I feign the day, it will surely come: just like death and taxes. Birthdays may be viewed as another day, but it can also be a celebration of life and happiness. It’s merely a matter of choice on how to look at that day. And since last year, I chose to embrace the inevitable. I guess growing old has a faint hope of wisdom, after all.

This year, I intend to celebrate it with friends on the happiest place in Southeast Asia. Or so, they say.