Vignette.

Ebonny McGann ©

I look at the sun, in all its glory, halfheartedly wishing that it will fade into oblivion. The world will be consumed in total darkness without the stars to flicker hope. Madness and indulgence overwhelm my thoughts, but I always believe that I can have everything and nothing at the same time.

The sunset is lovely, but it only exacerbates my longing. “Can I sit here?” he asked. I just looked at him and said nothing. “It’s beautiful. One of the things that makes me go back to this place,” he casually remarked, as if talking to an old friend.

I never said a word. I am not one to make casual conversations to anyone just because I feel empty or alone. We waited for the sun to set and stayed there for a minute or so.

“Do you want to have dinner or perhaps a cup of coffee?” he asked while directly looking at my eyes. “Why would I want to come with you?” I replied with a million thoughts running in my head.

“Because I think you need company, at least for tonight.” There is a tinge of truth and sarcasm in his words.

“I don’t need your company. I don’t need anybody’s company,” I stood and hurriedly crossed the street.

I felt a pang of guilt and relief at the same time. There, in the nakedness of the moment, lies the gnawing feeling of sadness. 

I think I will never be the same again.