Sex and movies.

The year was 2000, and I was sixteen.

I was naïve, probably brought about by sixteen years of living in a remote town in the island. So when I was thrown into Manila to study, I felt unbridled freedom.

Idle time meant going out of my condo and touring places I have never been to. I love commuting in trains. Every now and then, I would stop at odd places, and I would familiarize myself with the area. On one ordinary day, I alighted at Carriedo station.

Rizal Avenue was different during that time. It was fraught with old forgotten movie houses that reek decay and nostalgia. While most movie houses showed Tagalog ST movies, there was a peculiar movie house that offered a foreign film. The movie was Giuseppe Tornatore’s Malena starring the eternally beautiful Monica Bellucci.

I paid 50 Pesos.

On the way to the Balcony, I saw a dozen or so men outside the theater. I thought that the movie had just ended and they were waiting for it to start. When I entered, the movie was actually playing. Back then, I was too young to comprehend the meaning of situations. I took things as they were, not realizing that some were hiding on subliminal tones, calculated gestures, and silent feats.

Malena. Screenshot grabbed from http://www.listal.com/viewimage/1526076h

I entered at the scene where Malena was walking and the young kids were following her on their bikes. I realized how lovely Malena was. I never even knew who she was at that time, but for me, she represented perfection.

When my vision adjusted, I realized that some people were doing things that were extraordinarily adventurous, if not callous. Soft porn on the screen, and real porn inside the cinema. The free porn, however, did not distract me from Malena’s story. It was moving, beautiful, frightful, and exhilarating all at the same time. Told from Renato’s eyes, the story followed the life of a young woman who was cursed for her beauty.

I had never seen those types of movies in the province: the indie-type genre with English subtitles. We were mostly distracted by a throng of Filipino movies, which were either “titillating” or run-of-the-mill stories. The movie made me realize human frailties, mostly attributed to a general lack of understanding of things and circumstances. In this movie, the women saw Malena’s beauty as a threat to their usual, insipid lives and gave them an excuse to act violently. The movie indirectly slapped me with basic tenets of reality. For instance, some people will treat you unjustly for no apparent reason other than their own fear or insecurity. Or that, man is naturally insatiable, in his desire, wants, needs, and even with his longing.

In the middle of orgasms and strange rhythms, I was smacked with thoughts of life’s complexities, insecurities, fear, and love. I realized that life in general will always go on, and in the process, you might have to completely change your lifestyle, perspective, or attitude to survive. In the end, you may or may not achieve your initial plans or goals, but you might end up living for another day.

Before, the credits rolled, someone approached me and started caressing my thigh. I said that I went to the cinema just to watch a movie. He told me, “Masyado ka namang disente para dito.” (You are too upright to be here.)

I smiled and left.